There are some beautiful birth affirmations floating around on the internet. These are not them. While I love all the flowery, poetic, peaceful affirmations, I also love humor. Laughter can be a great tool in labor! What would your funny affirmation say?

 

Ryan Gosling, because why not?!

Poop happens! It's ok! So many people have a fear of pooping during birth. It does happen, and often. Your care providers clean it up so quickly that nobody really notices it, not even you! Don't worry about a stray turd or two ;)

I mean, seriously. Toddler tantrums are the worst! If you don't believe me, I have a threenager that can prove my point.

The faster you pop out your baby, the faster you can pop the cork on your wine bottle!! I'm kidding, mostly. Don't rush labor for booze. But, in all seriousness, feel free to have a celebratory glass of wine after baby is born. Sushi, lunch meat, coffee....whatever you gave up in pregnancy is a fine substitute !

I'm pretty sure our toilet paper budget doubled when I was pregnant. So. Much. Pee. Seriously, peeing less was one of the things I was most looking forward to after my babies were born. It was just higher on the list than seeing my feet again. Yay for unsquished bladders and toes!