The Myth of the "Good" Baby

“Is she a good baby?”

I was asked this with each baby (I’ve had four) more times than I can count. It was usually a well meaning friend or family member, or even complete strangers. I always stumbled to answer correctly. I mean, what really constitutes ‘good baby’? I could guess what they really meant though.

Does she sleep through the night?
Does she not cry?
Does she eat on a perfect schedule?

The answer to all of these questions was a resounding NO! None of my girls fit the mold of a ‘good baby’. Does that mean that all of my girls were ‘bad’ then? Of course not!

The whole ‘good baby’ thing is a myth. The reality is that, while some babies certainly do all of those ‘good baby’ things, most babies do not. In fact, babies need to wake up, they need to cry, and they need to eat when hungry.

What should you expect from a healthy, full term baby?

The average breastfed baby needs to eat at least every 2-3 hours. Breastmilk is digested quickly, and babies stomachs are small. It’s important that they eat often to meet their nutritional needs. This also means that it’s completely normal and necessary for a baby to wake multiple times through the night. At the very most, a breastfed baby may sleep a six hour stretch, but that’s uncommon and often doesn’t happen.

What about crying? It’s also completely normal, and even necessary. Crying is a babies only form of communication. They have no other way to tell you that they need something or are feeling something unpleasant. It’s also important that their cries are responded to, as their emotional needs are just as important as their physical needs. Please note however, that if you need to step away from babies crying it’s okay! Occasionally walking away from your crying baby to calm yourself, collect your thoughts, or just have a moment will not make them feel insecure or unloved. We need to take care of ourselves as well, and five minutes away from your crying baby will not have any negative effects.

So, what really qualifies a baby as ‘good’?

Nothing. Everything. Just love them. A baby is never bad. They’re just babies. They all have their own needs, and their own personalities.

The next time somebody ask you if your baby is a ‘good baby’, answer yes with complete confidence. How could they be anything but good?!