What I wish I Knew: Preparing for Labor as a First Time Mom
I was so excited to become a mother. I spent countless hours trying to choose the perfect nursery set, the perfect name, and tracking every milestone of my pregnancy. I knew just what size my little one was supposed to be at every stage of gestation, and could recite most of 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'. I was set!
Or so I thought....
In all my excitement about pregnancy and becoming a mom, I skipped preparing for the important step in between, labor! Sure, l took a basic hospital childbirth education class, but to be honest, I didn't learn much. I was ok with only knowing the basics. I figured that is what doctors and nurses were for. I trusted that they would guide me and tell me what to do along the way, and that my body would just kind of know what to do anyways. As I came to find out, that's not always the case.
I'll spare you the details of my birth story, and instead share with you four things I wish I had known before I labored as a first time mom.
1. Interventions are More Than Aides-Think about all the birth stories you've heard. More than likely, more than a few of them have involved pitocin, epidurals, artificial rupture of membranes, episiotomies, and more. While these interventions are sometimes very necessary, I had no idea they were also very often not. I had heard so many birth stories with so many interventions, I assumed that interventions were pretty much a given in birth, and that almost everyone got them, needed them, and benefited from them. Perhaps this was a really naive mindset, but I doubt I am alone in those views. What I've learned since is that although interventions are common practice, they do come with risk, side effects, and are used much more often than necessary. I am certain I could have birthed my first baby without the many interventions I received. I didn't educate myself on alternative methods to interventions, on what situations require them, or most importantly what an intervention free labor looks like. Interventions can be a critical aide in some labors, but since they come with their own risk, it's worth educating yourself on when they're needed, what side effects or complications they can cause, and if there are any less risky methods that may be tried first.
2.Don't Rush- Labor takes time. Sure, some women labor and birth at a remarkable speed. Most women don't labor that quickly though. Going into labor can be so exciting, especially with your first. You're finally going to meet the baby you've been waiting a long time to meet, and the discomforts of pregnancy are finally coming to an end. It's not uncommon for a first time mom to rush to the hospital at the first sign of contractions or begin doing everything they can think of to get contractions coming on faster and stronger. Slow down! Your body needs time and energy to birth a baby. Allowing yourself to rest and being patient with the process, gives your body the best chance at a successful labor and delivery. There may come a point in labor when you need to be a little more proactive in helping your body along, but early labor is not the time to do that.
3. Doctors are not Doulas- Medical professionals are a key part of most births, but they are there to provide medical support. This probably seems obvious, but many women giving birth expect that doctors or nurses will guide them through the process, and provide lots of support. I know I did! In truth, medical professionals are busy. They have protocols to follow, and usually more than one patient to care for. While they will certainly answer questions and offer some encouragement, they can't stay by your side through most of the labor process. They don't have time, and that's not their job. That is however, a doulas job. As a first time mom, I wish I had known the value of a doula. I wish I had known how much physical, emotional,and informational support are usually needed in labor. Doulas provide that. They are hired to stay by your side. They are knowledgeable about the birthing process, and are able to guide you through labor in ways a medical provider cannot. . They help to keep the ambiance calm, fear at bay, and the mother and partner feeling well supported throughout. Having a doula can make a big difference in your overall satisfaction with your birth experience, and I feel it definitely would have improved mine!
4. Your Experience Matters- As I mentioned, I didn't prepare much for labor. I didn't prepare much, because I didn't think it mattered. I saw labor as a means to an end. Just something unpleasant you go through to get to the joy of having a baby. It turns out, labor and birth are so much more than that. It is a powerful, life changing experience. Birth is physical. Birth is Emotional. Birth is every part of you. It can be beautiful, or it can be traumatic. You can birth and feel empowered, strong, capable, and even miraculous. In fact, you should! Birth isn't supposed to be traumatic. It's not supposed to be miserable. It doesn't matter if your birth is vaginal or cesarean. Both can be equally beautiful and empowering. Both can also be traumatic and miserable. The key to not having a miserable or traumatic birth is feeling in control, feeling supported, and having a say in what happens to your body and your baby. I'm not saying your birth should be all sunshine and roses. It may be be unpleasant at times, uncomfortable, and you may even experience some anxiety, as it's a new situation you've never been in before. It may take turns you haven't prepared for, and you may have to adapt to the situation. What I am saying is that birth is you. Birth matters. Bringing a baby into this world takes so much physical and emotional strength from the mother, that if a mother goes through that and is not supported and doesn't have any control of how the journey plays out for her, she can feel broken, sad, disheartened, and disempowered. I don't think anyone wants to begin their parenting journey feeling that way. Your experience matters!
I hope your journey into parenthood is beautiful!